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Portal 2
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Blue, please disregard the following statement: Orange, you have been a shining light in an otherwise ungodly morass of incompetence.
Listens:
603
Who:
GLaDOS
So he's inexplicably happy all of a sudden, even though he should be going out of his mind with test withdrawal. AND he's got a surprise for us. What did he FIND back there?
Listens:
737
Who:
GLaDOS
Did you know humans frown on weight variances?
Listens:
721
Who:
GLaDOS
If you've cut yourself at all in the course of these tests, you might have noticed that your blood is pure gasoline. That's normal. We've been shooting you with an invisible laser that's supposed to turn blood into gasoline, so all that means is, it's working.
Listens:
3197
Who:
Cave Johnson
Did you know I discovered a way to eradicate poverty? But then you KILLED me. So that's gone.
Listens:
877
Who:
GLaDOS
Can you hear that? She has really kicked this place into high gear now.
Listens:
316
Who:
Wheatley
clickclickclick
Listens:
518
Who:
Defective Turret
Okay. Plan B. We need humans.
Listens:
717
Who:
GLaDOS
The Fact Sphere is the most intelligent sphere.
Listens:
834
Who:
Core 3
Ahungh.
Listens:
343
Who:
Wheatley
So, once again, just... move along. One small step and everything.
Listens:
311
Who:
Wheatley
I've got a surprise for you after this next test. Not a fake, tragic surprise like last time. A real surprise, with tragic consequences. And real confetti this time. The good stuff. Our last bag. Part of me's going to miss it, I guess-but at the end of the day it was just taking up space.
Listens:
9017
Who:
GLaDOS
I don't think I want to go through that again.
Listens:
350
Who:
GLaDOS
Horrible people skills.
Listens:
981
Who:
GLaDOS
You have excellent aim!
Listens:
732
Who:
Turret
Well played.
Listens:
462
Who:
Defective Turret
clickclickclick
Listens:
587
Who:
Defective Turret
I'll meet you on the other side!
Listens:
303
Who:
Wheatley
I’m sorry, Subject Blue.
Listens:
452
Who:
GLaDOS
Warning: Core corruption at 100 percent.
Listens:
6704
Who:
Announcer
Oh! I've just had one idea, which is that I could pretend to her that I've captured you, and give you over and she'll kill you, but I could... go on living. What's your view on that?
Listens:
1667
Who:
Wheatley
Before the Wright Brothers invented the airplane, anyone wanting to fly anywhere was required to eat 200 pounds of helium.
Listens:
1124
Who:
Core 3
No, seriously. Do come back. Come back, please.
Listens:
1230
Who:
Wheatley
All I wanted to do was make everything better for me! All you had to do was solve a couple hundred simple tests for a few years. And you couldn't even let me have that, could you?
Listens:
749
Who:
Wheatley
Hey!
Listens:
855
Who:
Turret
You didn't do anything.
Listens:
549
Who:
GLaDOS
Very impressive! Because this message is prerecorded, any comments we may make about your success are speculation on our part. Please disregard any undeserved compliments.
Listens:
1380
Who:
GLaDOS
This is Tic-Tac-Toe-Two.
Listens:
873
Who:
GLaDOS
Here's an interesting fact: you're not breathing real air. It's too expensive to pump this far down. We just take carbon dioxide out of a room, freshen it up a little, and pump it back in. So you'll be breathing the same room full of air for the rest of your life. I thought that was interesting.
Listens:
4835
Who:
GLaDOS
Owww!
Listens:
956
Who:
Turret
Bad news is we're postponing those tests indefinitely. Good news is we've got a much better test for you: fighting an army of mantis men. Pick up a rifle and follow the yellow line. You'll know when the test starts.
Listens:
18849
Who:
Cave Johnson
Raseph, the Semitic god of war and plague, had a gazelle growing out of his forehead.
Listens:
880
Who:
Core 3
It DOES sound rude. I'm not going to lie to you. It DOES sound rude. It's not. Put me right on it. Stick me in.
Listens:
819
Who:
Wheatley
Don't do it.
Listens:
687
Who:
GLaDOS
That is a potato battery. It's a toy for children. And now she lives in it.
Listens:
3756
Who:
Wheatley
Very good! You found those useless blueprints.
Listens:
520
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, brilliant, yeah. Take one last look at your precious human moon. Because it cannot help you now!
Listens:
2522
Who:
Wheatley
Congratulations! The simple fact that you're standing here listening to me means you've made a glorious contribution to science.
Listens:
1543
Who:
Cave Johnson
And here I thought this room was dangerously unlethal.
Listens:
325
Who:
GLaDOS
Now, we just need you to release the humans from their imprisonment.
Listens:
299
Who:
GLaDOS
[disinterested] Ohhh, you solved it. Oh. Good. Good one... Good for you...
Listens:
635
Who:
Wheatley
A nanosecond lasts one billionth of a second.
Listens:
555
Who:
Core 3
You're no longer bothering me. You're only hurting my impression of you.
Listens:
442
Who:
GLaDOS
Always weeping. Poor thing.
Listens:
515
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello?
Listens:
5008
Who:
Turret
NNGH! It's not enough! If I'm such a moron, why can't you solve a simple test?
Listens:
1761
Who:
Wheatley
Ha ha! Gotcha right where I want ya!
Listens:
705
Who:
Defective Turret
Fact not found.
Listens:
758
Who:
Core 3
Just... have a look through the old window.
Listens:
312
Who:
Wheatley
Nothing. He's good. This one. He is good. I'm gonna need to break out the expert level hacking maneuvers now. You asked for it Mate.
Listens:
506
Who:
Wheatley
Ha! I like your style. You make up your own rules, just like me.
Listens:
653063
Who:
Cave Johnson
We need to find the power station at the end of this course. The humans must have accidentally disconnected it from my grid. I am sure it was just a clerical error.
Listens:
689
Who:
GLaDOS
Turret redemption lines are not rides, please exit the turret redemption line.
Listens:
1288
Who:
Announcer
First thing I noticed about you: 'Now there's a lady who could resolve any button-based disputes,' I thought. A diamond in the rough, if you will--a a bloody natural. A born dispute resolution advisor in need of a button.
Listens:
563
Who:
Wheatley
Wait! I've got an idea!
Listens:
406
Who:
GLaDOS
Look, anyway. I've spoken enough. Take your time. I'll let you think about it. I don't want to pressure you: is it the lair? Is it the masher? You know what my opinion is: Masher. I'm leaning toward masher. Up to you. Just gonna give you some time to think
Listens:
490
Who:
Wheatley
If you ARE there, would you mind... giving me a little bit of help? [nervous laugh] Just picking me up.
Listens:
458
Who:
Wheatley
So. Boom. Better offer here is just kill yourself. Seems like a lot of effort to walk all the way to my deadly lair, when there's a perfectly serviceable death option right there. Again: not a death trap. Your death would be entirely voluntary. And very much appreciated.
Listens:
1157
Who:
Wheatley
This is the main breaker room.
Listens:
372
Who:
Wheatley
*cough* Press the button, would you?
Listens:
1166
Who:
Wheatley
No no, no no, no no, whoa whoa, no, whoa!
Listens:
876
Who:
Defective Turret
Also, once I eject myself out of the core the lift might stop. Then we'd be trapped in a lift full of broken glass suspended fifty feet off the ground.
Listens:
471
Who:
Wheatley
Could a MORON PUNCH! YOU! INTO! THIS! PIT? Huh? Could a moron do THAT?
Listens:
5452
Who:
Wheatley
The value of Pi is the ratio of any circle's circumference to its diameter in Euclidean space.
Listens:
802
Who:
Core 3
Yes sir, Mister Johnson.
Listens:
1623
Who:
Caroline
Do hear that? That's the sound of the neurotoxin emitters emitting neurotoxin.
Listens:
1515
Who:
GLaDOS
Never completes work.
Listens:
340
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey! It's me!
Listens:
1610
Who:
Turret
There is a framed painting on the wall. Please go stand in front of it.
Listens:
1464
Who:
Announcer
Hey hey hey hey hey!
Listens:
1248
Who:
Core 1
Alright, you can turn around now!
Listens:
419
Who:
Wheatley
In 1948, at the request of a dying boy, baseball legend Babe Ruth ate seventy-five hot dogs, then died of hot dog poisoning.
Listens:
1586
Who:
Core 3
Bam! Bam bam bam! Take that, space.
Listens:
4159
Who:
Core 1
Moves lips while reading.
Listens:
393
Who:
GLaDOS
Would you mind putting your back towards me? So I can see only your back. And not your face.
Listens:
311
Who:
Wheatley
So I just wanted to give you the chance to kill yourself now. Before you get to the lair. Just, you know, jump into the masher there. Less a death trap and more a death option for you.
Listens:
1283
Who:
Wheatley
Do either of you feel like laughing?
Listens:
1298
Who:
GLaDOS
I can't move, though. That's the problem now.
Listens:
925
Who:
Wheatley
Ay. Double Pee-Ell-Ee.
Listens:
469
Who:
Wheatley
This isn't that hard.
Listens:
341
Who:
GLaDOS
See that scanner out there? It's deciding which turrets to keep and which to toss. And it's using that MASTER turret as a template! If we pull out the template turret, it'll shut down the whole production line.
Listens:
448
Who:
Wheatley
You're doing great!
Listens:
451
Who:
Core 2
Remember that!
Listens:
1262
Who:
Turret
Okay, DON'T PANIC! I can still stop it, not a problem. There's a password! I'll just hack it. Here we go.
Listens:
996
Who:
Wheatley
[yelling]
Listens:
647
Who:
Wheatley
Be careful!
Listens:
303
Who:
Wheatley
Fears intimacy.
Listens:
293
Who:
GLaDOS
science collaboration points.
Listens:
743
Who:
GLaDOS
Their laughter centered around one of the objects in this room.
Listens:
715
Who:
GLaDOS
Busybody.
Listens:
300
Who:
GLaDOS
Tell it to the bad guy. Maybe you'll make him so bored his brain'll explode.
Listens:
584
Who:
Core 2
Most people emerge from suspension terribly undernourished. I want to congratulate you on beating the odds and somehow managing to pack on a few pounds.
Listens:
1173
Who:
GLaDOS
I miss this that smell.
Listens:
425
Who:
GLaDOS
Could you just jump into that pit? There. That deadly pit.
Listens:
1937
Who:
Wheatley
Do you have any idea how good this feels?
Listens:
592
Who:
Wheatley
Thanks anyway...
Listens:
1171
Who:
Turret
Go on.
Listens:
919
Who:
Wheatley
The turret factory should be this way I think.
Listens:
305
Who:
Wheatley
Holmes versus Moriarty.
Listens:
2236
Who:
Wheatley
If you are alive, can you say something. Jump around so I know you are OK?
Listens:
378
Who:
Wheatley
00:00 / 00:00
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