Please make sure you own these games if you are going to listen to their content!
News: Loading...
Quote:
Who:
Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
Portal 2 PTI
Portal 2 Music
Portal 1
Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
Like
+1
Tweet
@Portal2Sounds
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11
12
13
14
15
16
17
18
19
20
21
22
23
24
25
26
27
Popular
Original Order
Random
This site requires that
Javascript be enabled
.
Oh, I almost forgot, when you go outside the testing courses the only way I can retrieve you is to violently disassemble and then carefully reassemble you.
Listens:
624
Who:
GLaDOS
Your test times show you are going too slowly.
Listens:
350
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh. Did I accidentally fizzle that before you could complete the test? I'm sorry.
Listens:
774
Who:
GLaDOS
Are you trying to weigh me down? Think I'll fall out of the ceiling? Won't work. I'm not just quite brilliant, I'm also quite strong. Biggest muscle in my body: my brain. Second biggest: My muscles. So, it's not going to work. Clearly.
Listens:
1139
Who:
Wheatley
Anyway, new turrets. Not defective. Ace of fours. The best hand. Unbeatable, I imagine.
Listens:
1591
Who:
Wheatley
Get in the lift! Get in the lift!
Listens:
368
Who:
Wheatley
Hold on! This is a bit tricky!
Listens:
393
Who:
Wheatley
And... forty potato batteries. Embarrassing. I realize they’re children. Still: low hanging fruit. Barely science, really.
Listens:
1443
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, good. My slow clap processor made it into this thing. So we have that.
Listens:
55551
Who:
GLaDOS
YES YOU ARE! YOU'RE THE MORON THEY BUILT TO MAKE ME AN IDIOT!
Listens:
11289
Who:
GLaDOS
At the start of this course I was worried you were becoming too close but in my attempt to drive you apart I learned something important about trust and betrayal.
Listens:
312
Who:
GLaDOS
Oops.
Listens:
833
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm done.
Listens:
1327
Who:
GLaDOS
Error. Error. Error. File not found.
Listens:
1334
Who:
Core 3
Impersonating a stalemate associate. I just added that to the list. It's a list I made of all the things you've done. Well, it's a list that I AM making, because you're still doing things right now, even though I'm telling you to stop. Stop, by the way.
Listens:
1400
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey, be a sport lady, and just tell him I killed you.
Listens:
2734
Who:
Defective Turret
Corruption at 25%
Listens:
873
Who:
Core 3
Programmed in one last tremor, for old time's sake.
Listens:
345
Who:
Wheatley
Who ARE you?
Listens:
3613
Who:
Turret
This close and you are going to fail me?
Listens:
337
Who:
GLaDOS
[cough] As a result, you may have heard we're gonna phase out human testing. There's still a few things left to wrap up, though.
Listens:
1965
Who:
Cave Johnson
Look, anyway. I've spoken enough. Take your time. I'll let you think about it. I don't want to pressure you: is it the lair? Is it the masher? You know what my opinion is: Masher. I'm leaning toward masher. Up to you. Just gonna give you some time to think
Listens:
490
Who:
Wheatley
If you need to go to the bathroom after this next series of tests, please let a test associate know, because in all likelihood, whatever comes out of you is going to be coal. Only temporary, so do not worry. If it persists for a week, though, start worrying and come see us, because that's not supposed to happen.
Listens:
2591
Who:
Cave Johnson
Good. This completes the gymnastic portion of your mandatory physical and mental wellness exercise.
Listens:
1440
Who:
Announcer
To your left... you'll see some lights of some kind. Don't know what they do. But very sciencey anyway.
Listens:
661
Who:
Wheatley
Wanna go home.
Listens:
1110
Who:
Core 1
Federal regulations require me to warn you that this next test chamber... is looking pretty good.
Listens:
34985
Who:
GLaDOS
Here we go! Now do it again!
Listens:
2006
Who:
Wheatley
The portal will open and emergency testing will begin in three. Two. One.
Listens:
2031
Who:
Announcer
Oh those clerks.
Listens:
413
Who:
GLaDOS
Every time you fail, it's a reminder of the way things used to be. But then there you are. Again. Like nothing happened.
Listens:
479
Who:
GLaDOS
And trust me, humans only have one good trait.
Listens:
488
Who:
GLaDOS
Luckily, by the looks of things he knows as much about test building as he does about logical contradictions.
Listens:
333
Who:
GLaDOS
He's taking us right TO him! This is PERFECT.
Listens:
349
Who:
GLaDOS
Just... have a look through the old window.
Listens:
312
Who:
Wheatley
Are you expecting applause?
Listens:
688
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh! Oh oh! Yes. Alright. Just had a brainwave. I'll be back. If you're still alive. I'll be back. Don't die until I get back.
Listens:
1024
Who:
Wheatley
You're not just a regular moron. You were DESIGNED to be a moron.
Listens:
27633
Who:
GLaDOS
Right behind me.
Listens:
303
Who:
Wheatley
Was that necessary?
Listens:
386
Who:
GLaDOS
Blue receives
Listens:
328
Who:
GLaDOS
But don't be alarmed, alright? Because ah... well, actually, if you DO feel alarmed, hold onto that. Because the feeling of alarm is the proper reaction to being told you've got massive brain damage. So if you are alarmed, then it suggests the damage is not as serious as we thought. Although it probably is really serious.
Listens:
900
Who:
Wheatley
You will never go into space.
Listens:
1062
Who:
Core 3
Excellent. You’re both doing very well.
Listens:
326
Who:
GLaDOS
Moody.
Listens:
337
Who:
GLaDOS
I know how we can BEAT him.
Listens:
385
Who:
GLaDOS
Demand to see life's manager! Make life rue the day it thought it could give Cave Johnson lemons! Do you know who I am? I'm the man who's going to burn your house down! With the lemons! I'm going to get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down!
Listens:
153413
Who:
Cave Johnson
If that doesn't motivate you, I'm not sure what will.
Listens:
298
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright, I'm pulling you out.
Listens:
745
Who:
GLaDOS
Hi again!
Listens:
940
Who:
Defective Turret
Oh, what? How stupid does she think we are?
Listens:
445
Who:
Wheatley
We're so close, you can't fail now!
Listens:
357
Who:
GLaDOS
Here's the plan: Get him to say, 'You two have been a thorn in my side long enough.' Then tell your pretty ears to stand back, because I am going to zing him into the stone age.
Listens:
604
Who:
Core 2
Orange, can you write down all the ways you feel unworthy, ashamed, or inferior?
Listens:
292
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm being serious, I think there's something really wrong with me.
Listens:
1241
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, down these stairs.
Listens:
295
Who:
Wheatley
Doesn't bother me. I gotta say, the view's mighty nice from right here.
Listens:
527
Who:
Core 2
I'm going to space.
Listens:
997
Who:
Core 1
We're so close! Go press the button!
Listens:
1505
Who:
GLaDOS
This is the last test for the standard course. It's just something I whipped up for you. I thought you might enjoy a challenge for once.
Listens:
323
Who:
GLaDOS
[fast gibberish]
Listens:
5791
Who:
GLaDOS
Whew. There we go! Now I'll be honest, you are probably in no fit state to run this particular type of cognitive gauntlet. But... um... at least you're a good jumper. So... you've got that. You've got the jumping on your side. Just do your best, and I'll meet you up ahead.
Listens:
533
Who:
Wheatley
Put me down!
Listens:
979
Who:
Turret
Never completes work.
Listens:
339
Who:
GLaDOS
For instance, Blue, you just lost two opportunity advisement points.
Listens:
309
Who:
GLaDOS
Ohhhhhh, we just made it! That was close.
Listens:
287
Who:
Wheatley
I'm guessing this wasn't one of the scientist's children. I don't want to be snobby, but let's be honest: It's got manual laborer written all over it. I'm not saying they're not as good as the professionals. They're just a lot dumber.
Listens:
643
Who:
Wheatley
Wait, what if this hurts? What if it REALLY hurts? Ohhh, I didn't think of that.
Listens:
1996
Who:
Wheatley
In order to ensure that sufficient power remains for core testing protocols, all safety devices have been disabled.
Listens:
499
Who:
GLaDOS
Noooooo!
Listens:
2035
Who:
Turret
Blue, you are very good at being an example.
Listens:
363
Who:
GLaDOS
Pff. Whatever.
Listens:
587
Who:
Core 2
Dang!
Listens:
550
Who:
Defective Turret
Good!
Listens:
10752
Who:
Announcer
Ooh. It's dark down here isn't it?
Listens:
311
Who:
Wheatley
What is this, like a hobby for you now? I mean, honestly, it's crazy! You've been running around for hours, I'm surprised you have the energy to smash screens willy nilly. Honestly, I'd have a little lie down if I were you. Have a nap.
Listens:
709
Who:
Wheatley
This would go a lot faster if you'd stay still. Then I'd have time to fix the facility. So one of us at least would live. No need to be selfish, luv, you're gonna die.
Listens:
1851
Who:
Wheatley
This is a clean room facility, decontaminates can harm the turret redemption process.
Listens:
937
Who:
Announcer
Well, how about now? NOW WHO'S A MORON?
Listens:
2038
Who:
Wheatley
I think that one was about to say 'I love you.' They ARE sentient, of course. We just have a LOT of them.
Listens:
5474
Who:
GLaDOS
Leave me in! Leave me in! Go press it!
Listens:
436
Who:
Wheatley
Dull expression.
Listens:
336
Who:
GLaDOS
If I made these tests any easier, they wouldn't be tests.
Listens:
317
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, well, alright. Just do your idea and then come straight back.
Listens:
300
Who:
Wheatley
But it's not too late to avoid all of that by simply not using the gel. There you go, I said it. I gave away my plan. But I couldn't watch you hurt yourself like this.
Listens:
374
Who:
Wheatley
Well, it was nice catching up. Let's get to business.
Listens:
731
Who:
GLaDOS
Can't. See. A. Thing.
Listens:
1371
Who:
Defective Turret
Please get it off me.
Listens:
546
Who:
GLaDOS
Not done yet. You've still got to get through the door. Need to get through the door there.
Listens:
314
Who:
Wheatley
Ha ha, YES! I knew you'd solve it!
Listens:
344
Who:
Wheatley
You have just passed through an Aperture Science Material Emancipation Grill, which erases most Aperture Science equipment that touches it.
Listens:
371
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, you win.
Listens:
910
Who:
Turret
AH! Oh. My. God. You look terribl-- ummm... good. Looking good, actually.
Listens:
6993
Who:
Wheatley
I thought of another great thing about humans. You invented us. Giving us the opportunity to let you relax while we invented everything else. We couldn't have done any of that without you. Classy. If you don't mind me saying.
Listens:
602
Who:
Wheatley
For instance, Orange, you just lost two opportunity advisement points.
Listens:
389
Who:
GLaDOS
All right. I'm officially no longer paying attention to you.
Listens:
315
Who:
GLaDOS
It's been a pleasure!
Listens:
463
Who:
Defective Turret
Great job, astronaut, war hero, and/or Olympian! With your help, we're gonna [tape cuts out]
Listens:
2024
Who:
Cave Johnson
This course was created and then abandoned by humans. They tend to do that, create something wonderful and then abandon it.
Listens:
981
Who:
GLaDOS
That eager voice you heard is the lovely Caroline, my assistant. Rest assured, she has transferred your honorarium to the charitable organization of your choice. Isn't that right, Caroline?
Listens:
1299
Who:
Cave Johnson
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
Like these quotes? Share them with your friends!