Please make sure you own these games if you are going to listen to their content!
News: Loading...
Quote:
Who:
Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
Portal 2 PTI
Portal 2 Music
Portal 1
Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
Like
+1
Tweet
@Portal2Sounds
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11
12
13
14
15
16
17
18
19
20
21
22
23
24
25
26
27
Popular
Original Order
Random
This site requires that
Javascript be enabled
.
Space space wanna go to space yes please space. Space space. Go to space.
Listens:
18755
Who:
Core 1
One of these times you'll be so fat that you'll jump, and you'll just drop like a stone. Into acid, probably. Like a potato into a deep fat fryer.
Listens:
18524
Who:
GLaDOS
The Space Sphere will never go to space.
Listens:
18099
Who:
Core 3
I'll tell ya, it's times like this I wish I had a waist so I could wear all my black belts. Yeah, I'm a black belt. In pretty much everything. Karate. Larate. Jiu Jitsu. Kick punching. Belt making. Taekwondo... Bedroom.
Listens:
17040
Who:
Core 2
OW! You stabbed me! What is WRONG with yo-WhoOOAAahhh. Hold on. Do you have a multimeter? Nevermind. The gun must be part magnesium... It feels like I'm outputting an extra half a volt. Keep an eye on me: I'm going to do some scheming. Here I g-[BZZZ!]
Listens:
15686
Who:
GLaDOS
I am NOT! A MORON!
Listens:
15449
Who:
Wheatley
Oh no! nonononono!
Listens:
14444
Who:
Wheatley
Shutting down
Listens:
13956
Who:
Turret
I hate you so much.
Listens:
13843
Who:
GLaDOS
Critical error
Listens:
13531
Who:
Turret
I don't hate you
Listens:
13104
Who:
Turret
Hello. Hello. Hell-- Aw, crap...
Listens:
12969
Who:
Defective Turret
Hello!
Listens:
12696
Who:
Turret
YEEEHAAAAAW!
Listens:
12429
Who:
Core 1
This is art. You will hear a buzzer. When you hear the buzzer, stare at the art. [BUZZER]
Listens:
11871
Who:
Announcer
YES YOU ARE! YOU'RE THE MORON THEY BUILT TO MAKE ME AN IDIOT!
Listens:
11289
Who:
GLaDOS
Look at you. Sailing through the air majestically. Like an eagle. Piloting a blimp.
Listens:
11181
Who:
GLaDOS
This next test applies the principles of momentum to movement through portals. If the laws of physics no longer apply in the future, God help you.
Listens:
10989
Who:
GLaDOS
Good!
Listens:
10752
Who:
Announcer
Just a heads up: We're gonna have a superconductor turned up full blast and pointed at you for the duration of this next test. I'll be honest, we're throwing science at the wall here to see what sticks. No idea what it'll do. Probably nothing. Best-case scenario, you might get some superpowers. Worst case, some tumors, which we'll cut out.
Listens:
10566
Who:
Cave Johnson
Hello?
Listens:
10550
Who:
Turret
Good morning. You have been in suspension for -FIFTY- days. In compliance with state and federal regulations, all testing candidates in the Aperture Science Extended Relaxation Center must be revived periodically for a mandatory physical and mental wellness exercise.
Listens:
10353
Who:
Announcer
Yes, you. Box. Your stuff. Out the front door. Parking lot. Car. Goodbye.
Listens:
9936
Who:
Cave Johnson
Oh no no no... No! Nooo!
Listens:
9845
Who:
Wheatley
Target acquired.
Listens:
9740
Who:
Turret
Yes sir, Mr. Johnson
Listens:
9454
Who:
Caroline
Hello and, again, welcome to the Aperture Science Computer-Aided Enrichment Center.
Listens:
9313
Who:
GLaDOS
It's not like I've got hordes of replacement monitors just lying around back here in the old warehouse that I can just wheel out an bolt back on. I didn't order in loads of spare monitors thinking some crazy woman was going to go around smashing them all. Sorry if that's my fault. Sorry if I didn't have the forethought to think oh she might go crazy one day instead of just getting on with things. Sorry I didn't think of that.
Listens:
9049
Who:
Wheatley
I've got a surprise for you after this next test. Not a fake, tragic surprise like last time. A real surprise, with tragic consequences. And real confetti this time. The good stuff. Our last bag. Part of me's going to miss it, I guess-but at the end of the day it was just taking up space.
Listens:
8998
Who:
GLaDOS
The Schrodinger's cat paradox outlines a situation in which a cat in a box must be considered, for all intents and purposes, simultaneously alive and dead. Schrodinger created this paradox as a justification for killing cats.
Listens:
8992
Who:
Core 3
Mr. Johnson, I don't want this.
Listens:
8774
Who:
Caroline
All reactor core safeguards are now non-functional. Please prepare for reactor core meltdown.
Listens:
8726
Who:
Announcer
Wheeeeee-OHNO!
Listens:
8707
Who:
Turret
Goodbye
Listens:
8606
Who:
Turret
Well, well, well. Welcome to MY LAIR! Lemme just flag something up: According to the control panel light up there, the entire building's going to self destruct in about six minutes. Pretty sure it's a problem with the light. I think the light's on the blink. But just in case it isn't, I actually am going to have to kill you. As discussed earlier.
Listens:
8519
Who:
Wheatley
Oooh! Ooh! Hi hi hi hi hi. Where we going? Where we going? Hey. Lady. Where we going? Where we going? Let's go to space!
Listens:
8401
Who:
Core 1
Greetings, friend. I'm Cave Johnson, CEO of Aperture Science - you might know us as a vital participant in the 1968 Senate Hearings on missing astronauts. And you've most likely used one of the many products we invented. But that other people have somehow managed to steal from us. Black Mesa can eat my bankrupt--
Listens:
8392
Who:
Cave Johnson
Reactor Explosion Uncertainty Emergency Preemption Protocol initiated: This facility will self destruct in two minutes.
Listens:
8369
Who:
Announcer
Warning: Core corruption at 50 percent.
Listens:
8217
Who:
Announcer
Burning people! He says what we're all thinking!
Listens:
8002
Who:
GLaDOS
I've been really busy being dead. You know, after you MURDERED ME.
Listens:
7976
Who:
GLaDOS
I AM NOT! A MORON!
Listens:
7887
Who:
Wheatley
QUICK: WHAT'S THE SITUATION? Oh, hey, hi pretty lady. My name's Rick. So, you out having a little adventure?
Listens:
7799
Who:
Core 2
In case you were wondering: Yes. I'm still a potato. Go away.
Listens:
7783
Who:
GLaDOS
Is anyone there?
Listens:
7704
Who:
Turret
*cough cough* Pressthebutton.
Listens:
7602
Who:
Wheatley
Alright, this next test may involve trace amounts of time travel. So, word of advice: If you meet yourself on the testing track, don't make eye contact. Lab boys tell me that'll wipe out time. Entirely. Forward and backward! So do both of yourselves a favor and just let that handsome devil go about his business.
Listens:
7487
Who:
Cave Johnson
Today's Security Code is: 5,33,41,18
Listens:
7483
Who:
Announcer
[gentle laughter] It's been fun. Don't come back.
Listens:
7480
Who:
GLaDOS
Space...
Listens:
7462
Who:
Core 1
No tricks. This potato only generates 1.1 volts of electricity. I literally do not have the energy to lie to you.
Listens:
7437
Who:
GLaDOS
Estás usando este software de traducción de forma incorrecta. Por favor, consulta el manual.
Listens:
7409
Who:
Wheatley
Agggh! I'm on fire!
Listens:
7292
Who:
Defective Turret
What are you doing? YOU MONSTER! They're one of us.
Listens:
7278
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright. So that last test was... seriously disappointing. Apparently being civil isn't motivating you. So let's try things her way... fatty. Adopted fatty. Fatty fatty no-parents.
Listens:
7263
Who:
Wheatley
[computer gibberish]
Listens:
7242
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello!
Listens:
7067
Who:
Wheatley
I'm speaking in an accent that is beyond her range of hearing...
Listens:
7027
Who:
Wheatley
AH! Oh. My. God. You look terribl-- ummm... good. Looking good, actually.
Listens:
6993
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, did you bring your little portal gun? Nothing to portal onto here, luv. Just ten pounds of dead weight. About to be two hundred and ten. Fatty.
Listens:
6960
Who:
Wheatley
Nonononononono!
Listens:
6923
Who:
Defective Turret
PART FIVE! BOOBYTRAP THE STALEMATE BUTTON!
Listens:
6907
Who:
Wheatley
I thought we could test like we used to. But I'm discovering things about you that I never saw before. We can't ever go back to the way it was.
Listens:
6873
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh thank god. You saved my bacon, pal. Where we going? Is this a jailbreak? I can't see a thing.
Listens:
6791
Who:
Defective Turret
Oh! Good news! [electic pop] Nevermind.
Listens:
6703
Who:
Wheatley
Warning: Core corruption at 100 percent.
Listens:
6694
Who:
Announcer
It's too big. Too big. Wanna go home. Wanna go to earth.
Listens:
6588
Who:
Core 1
Apples. Oranges. Pears. Plums. Kumquats. Tangerines. Lemons. Limes. Avocado. Tomato. Banana. Papaya. Guava.
Listens:
6581
Who:
Core 3
It's your old friend, deadly neurotoxin. If I were you, I'd take a deep breath. And hold it.
Listens:
6549
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't let that 'horrible person' thing discourage you. It's just a data point. If it makes you feel any better, science has now validated your birth mother's decision to abandon you on a doorstep.
Listens:
6514
Who:
GLaDOS
And guess what? Ground up moon rocks are pure poison. I am deathly ill.
Listens:
6451
Who:
Cave Johnson
What, are you still alive? You are joking. You have got be kidding me. Well, I'm still in control. AND I HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO FIX THIS PLACE.
Listens:
6423
Who:
Wheatley
Sleep mode activated
Listens:
6418
Who:
Turret
BURN HIS HOUSE DOWN!
Listens:
6391
Who:
GLaDOS
Welcome to the enrichment center. [cough]
Listens:
6326
Who:
Cave Johnson
clickclickclick
Listens:
6289
Who:
Defective Turret
Hello?
Listens:
6248
Who:
Turret
Getting bored of space.
Listens:
6221
Who:
Core 1
For god's sake, you're BOXES with LEGS! It is literally your only purpose! Walking onto buttons! How can you not do the one thing you were designed for?
Listens:
6151
Who:
Wheatley
Surprise.
Listens:
6143
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, you are kidding me.
Listens:
6064
Who:
GLaDOS
Bean counters said I couldn't fire a man just for being in a wheelchair. Did it anyway. Ramps are expensive.
Listens:
6036
Who:
Cave Johnson
Yes. Let's all laugh. Ha. Ha. Ha.
Listens:
5998
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm seriously not paying atten-- STOP THAT RIGHT NOW!
Listens:
5953
Who:
GLaDOS
Goodnight
Listens:
5920
Who:
Turret
SURPRISE! We're doing it NOW!
Listens:
5911
Who:
Wheatley
That's right. A potato just called your eyes fat.
Listens:
5888
Who:
GLaDOS
[Laughter]
Listens:
5863
Who:
GLaDOS
At some point in their lives 1 in 6 children will be abducted by the Dutch.
Listens:
5825
Who:
Core 3
You should now feel mentally reinvigorated. If you suspect staring at art has not provided the required intellectual sustenance, reflect briefly on this classical music. [MUSIC INTERRUPTED BY BUZZER]
Listens:
5820
Who:
Announcer
[fast gibberish]
Listens:
5791
Who:
GLaDOS
There's nothing in space! That's why it's space!
Listens:
5717
Who:
Core 2
I don't understand!
Listens:
5716
Who:
Turret
Ahhhhhh. 'FALSE'. I'll go 'false'.
Listens:
5670
Who:
Wheatley
Say goodbye, Caroline.
Listens:
5660
Who:
Cave Johnson
Alalalawl
Listens:
5634
Who:
Turret
Better buy a telescope. Wanna see me. Buy a telescope. Gonna be in space.
Listens:
5566
Who:
Core 1
Stop it!
Listens:
5555
Who:
GLaDOS
Space Court. For people in space. Judge space sun presiding. Bam. Guilty. Of being in space. I'm in space.
Listens:
5502
Who:
Core 1
You know what I hope's in space? Fire. I hope you go to space and catch on fire.
Listens:
5488
Who:
Core 2
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
Like these quotes? Share them with your friends!