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Portal 2
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Portal 1 Music
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TF2 Music
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Yeah!
Listens:
5487
Who:
GLaDOS
I think that one was about to say 'I love you.' They ARE sentient, of course. We just have a LOT of them.
Listens:
5474
Who:
GLaDOS
Could a MORON PUNCH! YOU! INTO! THIS! PIT? Huh? Could a moron do THAT?
Listens:
5428
Who:
Wheatley
[computer gibberish]
Listens:
5405
Who:
GLaDOS
You're angry. I know it. 'She’s tested me too hard.' Boo hoo. I don't suppose you ever stopped whining long enough to reflect on your own shortcomings, though, did you?
Listens:
5378
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes, I see you, and no, I don't care.
Listens:
5357
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello, and again, welcome to the Aperture Science Enrichment Center.
Listens:
5344
Who:
Announcer
Warning! Neurotoxin pressure has reached dangerously unlethal levels.
Listens:
5323
Who:
Announcer
Oh. Play it cool. Play it cool. Here come the space cops.
Listens:
5229
Who:
Core 1
Most test subjects do experience some cognitive deterioration after a few months in suspension. Now you've been under for... quite a lot longer, and it's not out of the question that you might have a very minor case of serious brain damage.
Listens:
5215
Who:
Wheatley
Warning: Core corruption at 75 percent.
Listens:
5154
Who:
Announcer
I’m on fire ow.
Listens:
5089
Who:
Turret
[hums 'For He's A Jolly Good Fellow']
Listens:
5081
Who:
GLaDOS
Hooray!
Listens:
5072
Who:
Turret
Those of you who volunteered to be injected with praying mantis DNA, I've got some good news and some bad news.
Listens:
5039
Who:
Cave Johnson
Hello?
Listens:
5004
Who:
Turret
Well done. In fact, you did so well, I'm going to note this on your file, in the commendations section. Oh, there's lots of room here. 'Did.... well. ... Enough.'
Listens:
4999
Who:
GLaDOS
It's a paradox! There IS no answer.
Listens:
4973
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm Cave Johnson. I own the place.
Listens:
4968
Who:
Cave Johnson
Federal Superfund regulations require us to inform you that you must now leave the theater, as measuring the effects of asbestos-lined promotional clothing is not part of today's presentation. Enjoy your free t-shirt. Goodbye.
Listens:
4923
Who:
GLaDOS
Hellllooo, imbecile.
Listens:
4889
Who:
GLaDOS
Didn't pick up on my sarcasm...
Listens:
4880
Who:
Wheatley
Here's an interesting fact: you're not breathing real air. It's too expensive to pump this far down. We just take carbon dioxide out of a room, freshen it up a little, and pump it back in. So you'll be breathing the same room full of air for the rest of your life. I thought that was interesting.
Listens:
4827
Who:
GLaDOS
Just a heads-up: That coffee we gave you earlier had fluorescent calcium in it so we can track the neuronal activity in your brain. There's a slight chance the calcium could harden and vitrify your frontal lobe. Anyway, don't stress yourself thinking about it. I'm serious. Visualizing the scenario while under stress actually triggers the reaction.
Listens:
4814
Who:
Cave Johnson
[computer gibberish]
Listens:
4754
Who:
GLaDOS
Thank you!
Listens:
4750
Who:
Turret
Powerup initiated.
Listens:
4735
Who:
Announcer
GET YOUR HANDES OFF ME! NO! STOP! No!
Listens:
4729
Who:
GLaDOS
Reactor explosion in four minutes.
Listens:
4695
Who:
Announcer
Neurotoxin level at capacity in five minutes.
Listens:
4569
Who:
Announcer
Here it is. Why don't you just do it? Trust me, it's an easier way out than whatever asinine plan your friend came up with.
Listens:
4522
Who:
GLaDOS
Well, what does a neck-bearded old engineer know about fashion? He probably - Oh, wait. It's a she. Still, what does she know? Oh wait, it says she has a medical degree. In fashion! From France!
Listens:
4509
Who:
GLaDOS
Ohhhhh, yes. Ohhhh. Well done.
Listens:
4501
Who:
Wheatley
According to most advanced algorithms, the world's best name is Craig.
Listens:
4497
Who:
Core 3
I, uh... don't have any bullets. Are you gonna give me any bullets? Are the bullets up there?
Listens:
4469
Who:
Defective Turret
If the Earth is currently governed by a manner of animal-king, sentient cloud, or other governing body that either refuses to or is incapable of listening to reason, th- [RECORDING SHORTS OUT]
Listens:
4428
Who:
Announcer
The first person to prove that cow's milk is drinkable was very, very thirsty.
Listens:
4423
Who:
Core 3
I know things look bleak, but that crazy man down there was right. Let's not take these lemons! We are going to march right back upstairs and MAKE him put me back in my body!
Listens:
4423
Who:
GLaDOS
Say, you're good at murder. Could you - ow - murder this bird for me?
Listens:
4402
Who:
GLaDOS
Stalemate detected.
Listens:
4386
Who:
Announcer
But I need to protect the humans!
Listens:
4385
Who:
Turret
Welcome, gentlemen, to Aperture Science. Astronauts, war heroes, Olympians--you're here because we want the best, and you are it. So: Who is ready to make some science?
Listens:
4374
Who:
Cave Johnson
Welcome back to the Computer Intelligence Training and Enrichment Center Human Test Subject Research Center. [laughs]
Listens:
4334
Who:
GLaDOS
Her name is Caroline.
Listens:
4325
Who:
Turret
Crushing's too good for him. First he'll spend a year in the incinerator. Year two: Cryogenic refrigeration wing. Then TEN years in the chamber I built where all the robots scream at you. THEN I'll kill him.
Listens:
4324
Who:
GLaDOS
YES YES! IN YOUR FACE! I GOT YO-ah, nope.
Listens:
4323
Who:
Wheatley
And another thing! You never caught me. I told you I could die falling off that rail. And you didn't catch me. You didn't even try. Oh, it's all becoming clear to me now. Find some dupe to break you out of cryosleep. Give him a sob story about escaping to the surface. Squeeze him for information on where to find a portal gun.
Listens:
4306
Who:
Wheatley
Dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-DUN! DUN DUN! Dunna-dunna-na-dunna-na-DUN! DUN DUN! nananaDUNDUNDUN dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun...
Listens:
4293
Who:
Core 2
Hello.
Listens:
4256
Who:
Turret
AH!
Listens:
4244
Who:
Wheatley
Fact: Space does not exist.
Listens:
4233
Who:
Core 3
Did you guess 'sharks'? Because that's wrong. The correct answer is 'nobody.' Nobody but you is that pointlessly cruel.
Listens:
4211
Who:
GLaDOS
Identify yourself or I will shoot.
Listens:
4202
Who:
Defective Turret
'Caw! Caw!' Oh, look! There's a bird out here! A Lovely bird. Gorgeous plumage. Majestic. Won't be here long. A lovely bird like that. Once in a lifetime opportunity to see a lovely bird like that. Lovely plumage.
Listens:
4180
Who:
Wheatley
We are currently experiencing technical difficulties due to circumstances of potentially apocalyptic significance beyond our control.
Listens:
4163
Who:
Announcer
Bam! Bam bam bam! Take that, space.
Listens:
4158
Who:
Core 1
Remember before when I was talking about smelly garbage standing around being useless? That was a metaphor. I was actually talking about you. And I'm sorry. You didn't react at the time, so I was worried it sailed right over your head. Which would have made this apology seem insane. That's why I had to call you garbage a second time just now.
Listens:
4157
Who:
GLaDOS
Fine. Let the games begin.
Listens:
4141
Who:
Wheatley
Vent system compromised: Neurotoxin offline.
Listens:
4056
Who:
Announcer
[Whispered] For the record: You ARE adopted, and that's TERRIBLE.
Listens:
4053
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah yeah yeah okay okay.
Listens:
4004
Who:
Core 1
Help me, space cops. Space cops, help.
Listens:
4003
Who:
Core 1
Goodbye, sir.
Listens:
3999
Who:
GLaDOS
This next test applies the principles of momentum to movement through portals. If the laws of physics no longer apply in the future, God help you.
Listens:
3990
Who:
Announcer
I am a coiled spring right now. Tension and power. Just... I'm a muscle. Like a big arm muscle, punching through a brick wall, and it's hitting the wall so hard the arm is catching on fire. Oh yeah.
Listens:
3985
Who:
Core 2
Enjoy this next test. I'm going to go to the surface. It's a beautiful day out. Yesterday I saw a deer. If you solve this next test, maybe I'll let you ride an elevator all the way up to the break room, and I'll tell you about the time I saw a deer again.
Listens:
3983
Who:
GLaDOS
Butterfingers.
Listens:
3981
Who:
Wheatley
I thought about our dilemma, and I came up with a solution that I honestly think works out best for one of both of us.
Listens:
3966
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes sir!
Listens:
3955
Who:
Caroline
Oh, just open the door! [to self] That's too aggressive. [loud again] Hello, friend! Why not open the door?
Listens:
3952
Who:
Wheatley
Reactor Explosion Timer destroyed.
Listens:
3944
Who:
Announcer
Uhhhh... Blam! Blam blam blam! I'm not defective!
Listens:
3932
Who:
Defective Turret
Target lost
Listens:
3920
Who:
Turret
You can't fire me I quit!
Listens:
3912
Who:
Defective Turret
Hey, where are we goingNOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Listens:
3909
Who:
Defective Turret
Ayeyeyeyeye
Listens:
3888
Who:
Turret
Now, if you're part of Control Group Kepler-Seven, we implanted a tiny microchip about the size of a postcard into your skull. Most likely you've forgotten it's even there, but if it starts vibrating and beeping during this next test, let us know, because that means it's about to hit five hundred degrees, so we're gonna need to go ahead and get that out of you pretty fast.
Listens:
3880
Who:
Cave Johnson
Allright. Preparing to interface with the neurotoxin central control circuit. Begin: 'Ello, guv! Neurotoxin inspectah! Need to shut this place down for a moment! Here's my credentials. Shut yourself down. I am totally legit. From the board of international neurotoxin... um... observers. From the United... Arab Emirates. Hello.
Listens:
3876
Who:
Wheatley
Don't like space. Don't like space.
Listens:
3869
Who:
Core 1
Well, hello, stranger!
Listens:
3866
Who:
Defective Turret
It's been fun. Don't come back.
Listens:
3818
Who:
GLaDOS
QUICK: WHAT'S THE SITUATION? Oh, hello angel. I guess I must have died and gone to heaven. Name's Rick. So, you out having yourself a little adventure?
Listens:
3773
Who:
Core 2
Otherwise, I'm afraid you're about to become the immediate past president of the Being Alive club. Ha ha.
Listens:
3772
Who:
GLaDOS
Powerup complete.
Listens:
3755
Who:
Announcer
That is a potato battery. It's a toy for children. And now she lives in it.
Listens:
3755
Who:
Wheatley
To maintain a constant testing cycle, I simulate daylight at all hours and add adrenal vapor to your oxygen supply. So you may be confused about the passage of time. The point is, yesterday was your birthday. I thought you'd want to know.
Listens:
3735
Who:
GLaDOS
Caroline... why do I know this woman? Maybe I killed her? Or-
Listens:
3723
Who:
GLaDOS
You have trapped yourself. Congratulations. The exit door is now open.
Listens:
3711
Who:
Announcer
Ohhhh, now he's playing classical music.
Listens:
3710
Who:
GLaDOS
You're not part of the control group, by the way. You get the gel. Last poor son of a gun got blue paint. Hahaha. All joking aside, that did happen - broke every bone in his legs. Tragic. But informative. Or so I'm told.
Listens:
3690
Who:
Cave Johnson
That extra half volt helps but it isn't going to power miracles. If I think too hard, I'm going to fry this potato before we get a chance to burn up in the atomic fireball that little idiot is going- [bzzpt]
Listens:
3682
Who:
GLaDOS
Wait. Why DID you trundle over here? You're not HUNGRY, are you? It's hard to see, what's that in your hand? Knowing you it's a deep fryer.
Listens:
3672
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay. What you're doing there is jumping. You just... you just jumped. But nevermind. Say 'Apple'. 'Aaaapple.'
Listens:
3657
Who:
Wheatley
I'm telling 'em, keep your pants on.
Listens:
3646
Who:
Cave Johnson
Also: Look at her, you moron. She's not fat.
Listens:
3636
Who:
GLaDOS
Now it's broken turret's time to shine!
Listens:
3627
Who:
Defective Turret
Who ARE you?
Listens:
3613
Who:
Turret
Initiating surprise in three... two... one.
Listens:
3597
Who:
GLaDOS
Just go.
Listens:
3590
Who:
GLaDOS
They say great science is built on the shoulders of giants. Not here. At Aperture, we do all our science from scratch. No hand holding.
Listens:
3574
Who:
Cave Johnson
00:00 / 00:00
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