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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
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Portal 1 Music
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TF2 Music
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Hello?
Listens:
2562
Who:
Turret
Crap.
Listens:
2560
Who:
Defective Turret
We haven't entirely nailed down what element it is yet, but I'll tell you this: it's a lively one, and it does NOT like the human skeleton.
Listens:
2552
Who:
Cave Johnson
I'm in space.
Listens:
2542
Who:
Core 1
You never considered that maybe I tested you to give the endless hours of your pointless existence some structure and meaning. Maybe to help you concentrate, so just maybe you’d think of something more worthwhile to do with your sorry life.
Listens:
2531
Who:
GLaDOS
I’m flyinnnng!
Listens:
2526
Who:
Turret
Don't shoot!
Listens:
2522
Who:
Turret
Fire detected in the Stalemate Resolution Annex. Extinguishing.
Listens:
2519
Who:
Announcer
Oh, brilliant, yeah. Take one last look at your precious human moon. Because it cannot help you now!
Listens:
2516
Who:
Wheatley
That's right. The facility is completely operational again.
Listens:
2514
Who:
GLaDOS
There you are
Listens:
2497
Who:
Turret
[laughs]
Listens:
2489
Who:
Wheatley
Seriously, though. Goodbye.
Listens:
2487
Who:
GLaDOS
I’m on fire.
Listens:
2486
Who:
Turret
Hmmm. Hmmmmmm. Hmm. Hmmmmm. Space!
Listens:
2479
Who:
Core 1
'Let there be light.' That's, uh... God. I was quoting God.
Listens:
2477
Who:
Wheatley
So. How are you holding up?
Listens:
2475
Who:
GLaDOS
Sir, the testing?
Listens:
2473
Who:
Caroline
Not bad. I forgot how good you are at this. You should pace yourself, though. We have A LOT of tests to do.
Listens:
2473
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey! Squeaky-voice! Gimme some of your bullets!
Listens:
2465
Who:
Defective Turret
Now, maybe you don't have any tumors. Well, don't worry. If you sat on a folding chair in the lobby and weren't wearing lead underpants, we took care of that too.
Listens:
2462
Who:
Cave Johnson
...unless a stalemate associate is present to press the stalemate resolution button.
Listens:
2454
Who:
Announcer
Go on. Get a big fat eyeful. With your big fat eyes.
Listens:
2454
Who:
GLaDOS
89% of magic tricks are not magic. Technically, they are sorcery.
Listens:
2453
Who:
Core 3
You had to play bloody cat and mouse, didn't you? While people were trying to work. Yes, well, now we're all going to pay the price. BECAUSE WE'RE ALL GOING TO BLOODY DIE.
Listens:
2453
Who:
Wheatley
Why?
Listens:
2441
Who:
Turret
Warning: Central core is eighty percent corrupt.
Listens:
2432
Who:
Announcer
The most poisonous fish in the world is the orange ruffy. Everything but its eyes are made of a deadly poison. The ruffy's eyes are composed of a less harmful, deadly poison.
Listens:
2426
Who:
Core 3
Click click click! Still defective!
Listens:
2396
Who:
Defective Turret
Oh, in case you got covered in that repulsion gel, here's some advice the lab boys gave me: DO NOT get covered in the repulsion gel.
Listens:
2381
Who:
Cave Johnson
Ahhhohohhhh. Wow. Well done, seriously, both of you. Why don't you two go on ahead? I'll catch up with you.
Listens:
2370
Who:
Wheatley
Substitute Core: Are you ready to start?
Listens:
2369
Who:
Announcer
Marie Curie invented the theory of radioactivity, the treatment of radioactivity, and dying of radioactivity.
Listens:
2367
Who:
Core 3
Did you hear that? I think something just exploded. Man, we are in a lot of danger. This is like Christmas. No, it's better than Christmas. This should be its own holiday. Explosion Day!
Listens:
2351
Who:
Core 2
Helloooooooooooo!
Listens:
2350
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, shut up!
Listens:
2345
Who:
Core 2
No no wait wait waitAGGGHHHH
Listens:
2340
Who:
Defective Turret
Oh. Hi.
Listens:
2329
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm not defective!
Listens:
2327
Who:
Defective Turret
Ha ha ha ha ha, good one.
Listens:
2325
Who:
GLaDOS
Welcome back. While you were dead, I reworked the cartoon. It's up on the screen.
Listens:
2318
Who:
GLaDOS
Target aquired.
Listens:
2311
Who:
Turret
Well done! The Enrichment Center reminds you that although circumstances may appear bleak, you are not alone. All Aperture Science personality constructs will remain functional in apocalyptic, low power environments of as few as 1.1 volts.
Listens:
2307
Who:
Announcer
Space space wanna go to space
Listens:
2302
Who:
Core 1
This next test involves the Aperture Science Aerial Faith Plate. It was part of an initiative to investigate how well test subjects could solve problems when they were catapulted into space. Results were highly informative: They could not. Good luck!
Listens:
2300
Who:
GLaDOS
Manual core replacement required.
Listens:
2296
Who:
Announcer
Gotcha!
Listens:
2287
Who:
Turret
But you were different weren't you? Such a good jumper. Problem solver. Clever. But ambitious. That's your Achilles Heel. Mine's-oh! Oh! Almost told you. Clever, clever girl. Again: brain damaged like a fox, you.
Listens:
2281
Who:
Wheatley
Hello?
Listens:
2279
Who:
Turret
Going to space going there can't wait gotta go. Space. Going.
Listens:
2272
Who:
Core 1
So that's just what I was doing. I was just reading... ah... books. So I'm not a moron.
Listens:
2268
Who:
Wheatley
These bridges are made from natural light that I pump in from the surface. If you rubbed your cheek on one, it would be like standing outside with the sun shining on your face. It would also set your hair on fire, so don't actually do it.
Listens:
2265
Who:
GLaDOS
So... we're all supposed to be blind, then, right? It's not just me? Alright, fantastic.
Listens:
2262
Who:
Defective Turret
Whee!
Listens:
2255
Who:
Turret
FOOL! You were a fool to come back, because I've trapped you again! Helpless. You're at my mercy. And I don't have any. You're at my nothing. You're at my lack of mercy.
Listens:
2248
Who:
Wheatley
Yes indeed. Yes indeed.
Listens:
2247
Who:
Defective Turret
Sorry, what?
Listens:
2240
Who:
Wheatley
Holmes versus Moriarty.
Listens:
2235
Who:
Wheatley
Pants were invented by sailors in the sixteenth century to avoid Poseidon's wrath. It was believed that the sight of naked sailors angered the sea god.
Listens:
2228
Who:
Core 3
What if you froze like that?
Listens:
2216
Who:
GLaDOS
You really do have brain damage, don't you?
Listens:
2216
Who:
GLaDOS
But the real point is - oh, oh! You know what I've just remembered? Football! Kicking a ball around for fun. Cruel, obviously. Humans love it. Metaphor. Should have seen this coming.
Listens:
2214
Who:
Wheatley
However, thanks to Emergency Testing Protocols, testing can continue. These pre-recorded messages will provide instructional and motivational support, so that science can still be done, even in the event of environmental, social, economic, or structural collapse.
Listens:
2210
Who:
Announcer
This on? [thump thump] Hey. Listen up down there. That thing's called an elevator. Not a bathroom.
Listens:
2206
Who:
Cave Johnson
I'm fired, aren't I?
Listens:
2203
Who:
Defective Turret
I'll bet there isn't even a problem with the facility, is there? I'll bet there's no such thing as a 'reactor core'. I'll bet that's not even fire coming out of the walls, is it? It's just cleverly placed lights and papier mache, I'll bet that's all it is.
Listens:
2201
Who:
Wheatley
Here's the plan: Get him to say, 'You two have been a thorn in my side long enough.' Then tell your pretty ears to stand back, because I am going to zing him into space.
Listens:
2200
Who:
Core 2
For many of you, I realize 60 dollars is an unprecedented windfall, so don't go spending it all on... I don't know. Caroline, what do these people buy? Tattered hats? Beard dirt?
Listens:
2183
Who:
Cave Johnson
Only three more chambers until your big surprise! [maniacal laughter] Ohhh, that's tiring.
Listens:
2164
Who:
Wheatley
Warning! All testing courses are currently available.
Listens:
2162
Who:
Announcer
Haha, Mr. Johnson!
Listens:
2158
Who:
Caroline
Nooooo. No, I don't think it is. I think you're wrong.
Listens:
2154
Who:
Wheatley
Ha! Was that your bullet-riddled body, flying out of the room? It was- aww, those were the crap turrets, weren't they? Yeah...
Listens:
2148
Who:
Wheatley
This is not good.
Listens:
2148
Who:
Turret
Hi there!
Listens:
2141
Who:
Defective Turret
Space space going to space oh boy
Listens:
2139
Who:
Core 1
Ahahaha
Listens:
2125
Who:
Turret
The answer is beneath us.
Listens:
2106
Who:
Turret
Well, no matter. Because I'm STILL holding all the cards, and guess what: they're allll Full Houses! I've never played cards. Meaning to learn.
Listens:
2102
Who:
Wheatley
Ha... That sounded real. No! That was actually an impression of you. Actually. Because you just fell into my trap. My brilliant trap. Just then. I wanted you to trick me into bursting that pipe. You didn't trick me. Seemingly trick me. Gives you false hope. Leads to overconfidence. And that leads to mistakes. Fatal mistakes. It's all part of my plan.
Listens:
2098
Who:
Wheatley
NO.
Listens:
2093
Who:
GLaDOS
Sorry, we're closed
Listens:
2089
Who:
Turret
You know who found that interesting? Nobody. That didn't affect anybody's life in any way whatsoever. Life would be exactly the same if you hadn't said anything.
Listens:
2084
Who:
Core 2
Blah.
Listens:
2082
Who:
GLaDOS
Excuse me
Listens:
2080
Who:
Turret
Hey hey hey!
Listens:
2076
Who:
Turret
I'm no psychiatrist, but coming from a bunch of eggheads who wouldn't recognize the thrill of danger if it walked up and snapped their little pink bras, that sounds like 'projection'.
Listens:
2072
Who:
Cave Johnson
Who's there?
Listens:
2070
Who:
Turret
We're back!
Listens:
2069
Who:
Defective Turret
Good. You will hear a buzzer. When you hear the buzzer, look down at the floor. [BUZZER]
Listens:
2068
Who:
Announcer
If you're allergic to peanuts, you might want to tell somebody now, because this next test may turn your blood into peanut water for a few minutes. On the bright side, if we can make this happen, they're gonna have to invent a new type of Nobel Prize to give us, so hang in there.
Listens:
2067
Who:
Cave Johnson
There you are
Listens:
2062
Who:
Turret
Coming through!
Listens:
2056
Who:
Turret
Hurt me once, shame on me. Hurt me twice...
Listens:
2055
Who:
Defective Turret
What -what's wrong with being adopted? Um. Well... lack of parents, for one, and... also... furthermore... nothing. Some of my best... friends are... orphans... But...
Listens:
2054
Who:
Wheatley
AHHHHHHH!
Listens:
2052
Who:
Wheatley
The average human male is about sixty percent water. Far as we're concerned, that's a little extravagant. So if you feel a bit dehydrated in this next test, that's normal. We're gonna hit you with some jet engines, and see if we can't get you down to twenty or thirty percent.
Listens:
2048
Who:
Cave Johnson
The point is: If we can store music on a compact disc, why can't we store a man's intelligence and personality on one? So I have the engineers figuring that out now.
Listens:
2039
Who:
Cave Johnson
Well, how about now? NOW WHO'S A MORON?
Listens:
2038
Who:
Wheatley
Pens. Pens. Pens. Pens. Pens. Pens. Pens.
Listens:
2035
Who:
Core 3
00:00 / 00:00
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