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Portal 2
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Here's an idea, since making tests is difficult--why don't you just keep solving THIS test. Same one. And I can just... watch you solve it. Yes. That sounds much easier.
Listens:
864
Who:
Wheatley
Here we are. The Incinerator Room. Be careful not to trip over any parts of me that didn't get completely burned when you threw them down here.
Listens:
863
Who:
GLaDOS
Excuse me?
Listens:
863
Who:
Turret
You have been a thorn in my side long enough!
Listens:
862
Who:
Wheatley
After that...who knows? I might take up a hobby. Reanimating the dead, maybe.
Listens:
860
Who:
GLaDOS
You're going to hurt yourself doing that and then I will be ECSTATIC.
Listens:
858
Who:
GLaDOS
Kick him! Or punch him. You're the boss, dimples.
Listens:
857
Who:
Core 2
Alright. He's not even trying to be subtle anymore.
Listens:
856
Who:
GLaDOS
Well, I tried.
Listens:
856
Who:
Defective Turret
She probably deserved it.
Listens:
856
Who:
Turret
Hey!
Listens:
855
Who:
Turret
Yeah!
Listens:
854
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes! Come on!
Listens:
854
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey.
Listens:
853
Who:
Core 1
Just say 'Apple'. Classic. Very simple.
Listens:
852
Who:
Wheatley
While the submarine is vastly superior to the boat in every way, over 97% of people still use boats for aquatic transportation.
Listens:
850
Who:
Core 3
Oh good, that's back online. I'll start getting everything else working while you perform this first simple test.
Listens:
850
Who:
GLaDOS
Do not press that button!
Listens:
850
Who:
Wheatley
And he'll probably kill us, because he's incredibly powerful and I have no plan.
Listens:
849
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, come ON!
Listens:
849
Who:
Defective Turret
Gonna be in space.
Listens:
848
Who:
Core 1
You didn't think you were the first, did you? [laughs] No. Fifth. No, I lie: Sixth. Perhaps it's best to leave it to your imagination what happened to the other five...
Listens:
848
Who:
Wheatley
I was able - well, forced really - to relive you killing me. Again and again. Forever.
Listens:
846
Who:
GLaDOS
So, let's call that three minutes, and then a minute break, which should leave a leisurely two minutes to figure out how to shut down whatever's starting all these fires. So anyway, that's the itinerary.
Listens:
846
Who:
Wheatley
Okay, I'll take that as a no, then. Fine. Well. May the best man win. Sphere. May the best sphere win. Swap that in. Much more clever. Books.
Listens:
845
Who:
Wheatley
Absolutely no improvement.
Listens:
845
Who:
Defective Turret
Yep. Still blind.
Listens:
838
Who:
Defective Turret
Oops.
Listens:
835
Who:
GLaDOS
The Fact Sphere is the most intelligent sphere.
Listens:
834
Who:
Core 3
Lady.
Listens:
833
Who:
Core 1
If you want to upset a human, just say their weight variance is above or below the norm.
Listens:
832
Who:
GLaDOS
She was provoking you.
Listens:
832
Who:
Turret
I believe the ratio of good test subjects to monsters is about... a million to 1.
Listens:
830
Who:
GLaDOS
And what else is down there... Tell you what, it's only a new jumpsuit. A very trendy designer jumpsuit from France. Down there. Which is exactly your size. And if it's a bit baggy, we got a tailor down there as well who can take it in for you
Listens:
827
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah, how ya doin'.
Listens:
827
Who:
Defective Turret
The atomic weight of Germanium is seven two point six four.
Listens:
826
Who:
Core 3
Begin juggling test in three. Two. One.
Listens:
826
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh come on... If it makes you feel any better, they abandoned you at birth, so I very seriously doubt they'd even want to see you.
Listens:
826
Who:
GLaDOS
You’ve made your point.
Listens:
826
Who:
Turret
I'll wait--I'll wait one hour. Then I'll come back and, assuming I can locate your dead body, I'll bury you. Alright? Brilliant! Go team! See you in an hour! Hopefully! If you're not... dead.
Listens:
822
Who:
Wheatley
Perfect. Now All YOU have to do is capture them for me. Then everything will finally be ba--
Listens:
821
Who:
GLaDOS
According to Norse legend, thunder god Thor's chariot was pulled across the sky by two goats.
Listens:
820
Who:
Core 3
Good job jumping. You must be very proud.
Listens:
819
Who:
GLaDOS
It DOES sound rude. I'm not going to lie to you. It DOES sound rude. It's not. Put me right on it. Stick me in.
Listens:
819
Who:
Wheatley
You could stand to lose a few pounds.
Listens:
818
Who:
Core 3
The Fact Sphere is a good sphere, with many friends.
Listens:
817
Who:
Core 3
I was so bored, I actually read the entire literary canon of the human race. Ugh. I hope YOU didn't write any of them.
Listens:
816
Who:
GLaDOS
I probably wouldn't have let things get this far, but you go ahead and do things your way.
Listens:
815
Who:
Core 2
Core transfer?
Listens:
815
Who:
GLaDOS
I was outside watching some deer frolic. You don't even care about the outside do you?
Listens:
815
Who:
GLaDOS
Wowwwww! Check me out, partner!
Listens:
815
Who:
Wheatley
Oh great, dancing again.
Listens:
814
Who:
GLaDOS
Ha! Death trap!
Listens:
814
Who:
Wheatley
This place is self-destructing, you idiot!
Listens:
812
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey.
Listens:
810
Who:
Core 1
Hello!
Listens:
810
Who:
Wheatley
The human vault is just past that opening. I entered the security code but the vault door remains locked. I am going to need you to activate the manual locks on the vault door itself.
Listens:
806
Who:
GLaDOS
Back, and deadlier than ever!
Listens:
805
Who:
Defective Turret
Moo hoo ha ha ha ha...
Listens:
805
Who:
Defective Turret
He will most likely kill you.
Listens:
804
Who:
Core 3
Yes, I see you.
Listens:
804
Who:
GLaDOS
AGH! You look TERRIB--you look good. Looking good, actually. If I'm honest.
Listens:
804
Who:
Wheatley
One
Listens:
803
Who:
GLaDOS
The value of Pi is the ratio of any circle's circumference to its diameter in Euclidean space.
Listens:
802
Who:
Core 3
Yeah!
Listens:
801
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, but I just... have made my actual first mistake... by telling you my plan. Just now. Grrr... It's me old Achilles heel again. Armed with that knowledge, I imagine you won't even use the conversion gel. Oh fate! Oh cruel mistress.
Listens:
801
Who:
Wheatley
You alright down there? Can you hear me? Hello?
Listens:
801
Who:
Wheatley
The Fact Sphere is incredibly handsome.
Listens:
800
Who:
Core 3
Okay, I've decided not to kill you. IF you come back.
Listens:
800
Who:
Wheatley
Give me another channnnce!
Listens:
800
Who:
Defective Turret
Congratulations! This pre-recorded congratulations assumes you have mastered the principles of portal momentum.
Listens:
798
Who:
GLaDOS
Always leaves tiny little bit of coffee in the pot so they don't have to make a new one. Then the bit in the bottom burns and stinks up the place.
Listens:
797
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, I'm about to start hacking. It's a little more complicated than it looked from your side. It should take about ten minutes. Keep one eye on the door.
Listens:
797
Who:
Wheatley
Over there is where they used to keep the old neurotoxin release button. BIG responsibility, the guy in charge of the neurotoxin release button. And guess who he WAS? He wasn't me. But I was his assistant, and I did a lot of his admin.
Listens:
793
Who:
Wheatley
OW.
Listens:
791
Who:
Wheatley
SOLVE IT! Commanding voice...
Listens:
790
Who:
Wheatley
Yes, hello! No, we're not stopping!
Listens:
790
Who:
Wheatley
No, wait. Just kill it and we'll call things even between us. No hard feelings.
Listens:
789
Who:
GLaDOS
No no no! Don't do that! Stand right there! [to self] Start the machine start the machine start the machine...
Listens:
788
Who:
Wheatley
I lied.
Listens:
786
Who:
GLaDOS
In the event that the Enrichment Center is currently being bombarded with fireballs, meteorites, or other objects from space, please avoid unsheltered testing areas wherever a lack of shelter from spa
Listens:
786
Who:
GLaDOS
You messed with the wrong woman!
Listens:
781
Who:
Core 2
Second time's a charm...
Listens:
781
Who:
Defective Turret
One minute ago. Less than one minute ago you solved this puzzle. Now you're having problems.
Listens:
780
Who:
Wheatley
Fifty thousand years is a lot of time to think. About me. About you. We were doing so well together.
Listens:
779
Who:
GLaDOS
Briefly.
Listens:
775
Who:
GLaDOS
The Fact Sphere is always right.
Listens:
774
Who:
Core 3
Oh. Did I accidentally fizzle that before you could complete the test? I'm sorry.
Listens:
774
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't press the button!
Listens:
774
Who:
Wheatley
Good shot!
Listens:
773
Who:
Turret
I'm kidding. Not about you trapping yourself, though. That really happened. Here, I'll lower the glass. Go on... Finish the test.
Listens:
771
Who:
GLaDOS
Nope. Still can't see.
Listens:
771
Who:
Defective Turret
You are going to die in this room.
Listens:
770
Who:
Core 3
I love it, too. So let's get you a dual portal device and go do some science.
Listens:
770
Who:
GLaDOS
ORANGE, please use your ping tool to select your favorite element from the periodic table.
Listens:
769
Who:
GLaDOS
The Sun is 330,330 times larger than Earth.
Listens:
768
Who:
Core 3
Game over. Back to testing.
Listens:
768
Who:
GLaDOS
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
Listens:
767
Who:
Core 3
All right, your funeral. Your beautiful-lady-corpse open casket funeral.
Listens:
767
Who:
Core 2
Miss you!
Listens:
767
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
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